I live my life according to what
God wants me to live in. I am serving God through ministry in the church,
having a discipleship with some people, attending services and letting Him
reign above any of my decisions. Yes, I do understand NOW what FAITH really is.
I thought faith is just a word that deals with believing God in our life. I
never thought that it has something BIG that changes someone’s heart when fully
understand.
Let me share a short story of
what happened in my life these past few days and FAITH was really the main
topic of it. It feels so good that I felt God’s love in my life after having
this experience. I hope and I pray that you’ll be blessed and be encouraged
upon reading my story.
Ever since, what I really love
to do is to express myself through writing and I believe that God gave me this
talent to glorify His mighty name. I don’t say that I don’t love my course in
UP (which is BS Mathematics and Science Teaching) but it feels like that my
calling is in a course where I could write too much and express myself more.
Three years have passed after my UPCAT days and now I am here, trying to shift
my course to BS Development Communication. Sadly, I got the news that I didn’t
qualify the initial screening because I did not reach the grade requirement
needed for the course. I cried. I called my friends, asking what I should do
next... It feels like the little hope that I see in my mind was then began to
be in dark, no more light, no more chances. Ideas came in my mind. I know that
the enemy tried to put some lies in my head for me stumble and forget the God
whom I am serving and truly love. But of course, I didn’t do that. I remained
calm. I have done my usual quiet time. I asked God why He did not let me to
change my course.. I thought I have heard Him clearly that He wants me to be
there so that I could write things about Him, to serve Him through there but I
was wrong. I accepted the fact that God intruded in my life. He intruded
because it is actually NOT his voice that I am hearing but MY own voice telling
things that gives my own pleasures in life. Knowing the fact that He controls
everything in me, He has the right to correct things in my life. I repented for
being someone who knows everything and asked for His will to be clearly seen in
my life. Here comes in my mind: LORD, I WANNA KNOW YOUR WILL IN MY LIFE.
I moved on, forget my DevCom
dream and began to start another life. I told myself that maybe it is not God’s
will that I’ll be there. I put in my mind that He has something better for me.
But before things dwelled in my mind, the office of BSDC told me that if I
still want to appeal for my letter of appeal, they will allow me. However, I
should pass my letter on April 30, 2012 and prayed that they will have time to
read it because the scheduled interview will be on the day after next (May 2,
2012). I was so confuse. I don’t know if I am going to pass another letter
because it feels like I am pushing myself to be part of it. I prayed and asked
God of the things I should do. I also asked some of my friends and even my
family and they told me to give a try once more. And then I did. I did it after
hearing our pastor’s preaching. It made me realize things in my life.
I should
not just seek His will, but seek Him.
This
phrase made my heart beats so fast and my eyes to cry with so much tears.
I found
myself, though it is so hard to say, having a floating relationship with God. I
don’t know, but it seems like I focused myself more on the external things of
following Him but not the internal which is knowing Him, loving Him, trusting
Him and believing Him. I used to say that I do those adjectives but then, I
failed to understand the real meaning of those in my life. I cried a lot. I
felt shame. Pastor Jon said that God lets His people to be in dark so that they
may be force to look for the light. And God, knowing as someone who is powerful
enough to change lives of all people, did not let His will to be fully known by
His people but let them know enough.
And then
I saw a picture in my mind. I was like a bird, ready to fly on the wide sky but
being trapped in a wire... crying for help, but no other birds tried to do so.
Why? Because they can’t. They are just birds too and have no strength to help.
Yes, they can fly with me and caused me to be happy... but not all the time. At
the end, we are all birds, does not have enough power to save each other. We
need someone, someone who is powerful than us, who can save us, who can free
us.
The same
with us, we need someone who is above us. And the only One who can be above us
is God. He is powerful, and everlasting. He unconditionally loves us. All we
have to do is to accept Him REALLY in our life, seek Him, want Him, and above
all love Him. He is so willing to free us. He cares for us. Those trials in our
life? Those are just part of His ways so that we will look for Him, asked for
His name. Truly, He is the way, the truth and the life. J
Connecting
with my DevCom journey, I know that God tested my faith on Him. I prayed before
making my decision. And then I made one and passed it. With confidence in my
heart that whatever happens, I will not stumble but be thankful to God for He
is in control of everything.
The
afternoon of the same day, I received a text message from the college saying: Hi, ur appeal 4 admission to cdc is now
being reconsidered, provided that u pass the interview on may 2, 9am at
ocs-devcom building.
I don’t
know why and how, but that time, I really wanted to jump and shout Hallelujah!
God is really powerful and faithful of His promises on each one of us. A verse
came up in my mind,
“You are the God who sees me” for she said, “I have
now seen the One who sees me.” Genesis 16:13-14
I am so
blessed to be in God (TRULY). I know that my life is fully secured in Him and I
am ready for the things that might happen in me. Great God for He will not let
things happen until we are perfectly molded and ready for the next step in
life.
The big
day has come. I don’t want to be afraid of the things that will happen to me
but I prepared myself that whatever happens, it will still be God that should
be praise on and be glorified. As I wait for my interview, I kept on praying to
God. It was actually, 10:30 of the morning when the interview started. I told
myself to be TRUE of the things I would say. I believe that a BIG GOD is in
control of the things that will happen next... And here comes the result.
“Miss
Gan, congratulations, you have passed the interview. DevCom ka na”
I really
want to jump for the joy that I felt that time. I just found myself singing a
song to God. God is really powerful! Nothing is REALLY IMPOSSIBLE to God. Upon
experiencing His sovereign POWER, overflowing love I felt. Thank you Lord.
Thank you for your love and faithfulness that I can enjoy things like this. I
know I didn’t deserve these but then, your grace keeps on showering my life.
Thank You Lord because now, I can have a good testimony that truly, You are
molding lives so that people will not see things that happened because of their
own abilities and skills but because of your POWER and LOVE to us. God wants
His people to have a meaningful testimony that soon, may help others too. :D
These
verses inspired me a lot:
“The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some
understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but
everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God:
that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that
He hears us –whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of Him.” 1
John 5:14-15
Don’t
stop believing, seek God first.. Maybe He is now busy on molding your lives,
just Let Him. :D
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