Batangas 2013 - First summer treat.

Last April 13, I and my friends have been in Batangas to celebrate Joram's birthday together with his family. We are then, invited by her sister. It was really fun. I got to know more some new friends namely, Fer, and Joram's housemates, Mark and Uriel. I really appreciated these set of friends of mine. Truly, if God removed some people in your life, there will always new ones to come. Maybe, we should really appreciate what comes and goes in our life. There are reasons, you just have to figure it out.

L-R Byron, Mau, Joram, Me and Fer in front of the wide ocean.

L-R Mark, Fer, Byron and I. On our way to the shore.

The water.

L-R Byron, Mau, Me, and Fer. Little Mau's pouting because of her black eye. Hehe

L-R. Mark, Joram and Uriel. The birthday boy, Joram together with his housemates.

L-R Joram, Me, Fer, Mau and Byron @ Gerry's grill in SM Batangas the day after our beach outing.

Oishi squid @Gerry's grill.

Yum yum fruit cocktail. 

How I wished to have more travel this summer. I then realized that I must enjoy life with people whom value and appreciate me. Great Batangas escapade! :)

Pretending to be okay is not okay.

             What I realized these past few days is that, it is not good to pretend you are fine if you are really not. It is hard to show to people that you are happy if you are really not. Having those thoughts in your mind that you can already handle the situation even if you really can’t is not good. You will just come to a point of missing that person so much, wanting him back, reminiscing the memories you both have.

                If only I can fix things, I will. But I don’t see any effort and reason why I would do such thing. Will you still bother to talk to him if you see that he is already happy and contented with his life without you? I think there are no more words to explain the answer.

                Just let God be with you as you take the next step. Yes it is hard to ignore those things that you see and make you feel hurt but just keep moving on. Eventually, you will notice that you are already fine and moved on with those. Focus on your priorities and not to your issues. After all, a BIG GOD is in control. Just let Him. Seek Him first and all of your desires will be given to you.

---

Nakakainis mang makita yung mga taong masayang kasama o kausap yung mga special na tao sa life nila, okay lang. I have the very most reason naman to be happy din – I have God.  

The Land of the Rising Sun

“Life may sometimes seem unfair, but if you chose to let go of those bad memories and begin a new one, you will found out that you are stronger enough to resist the same pain once you face the same situation again.”

          I never thought that I will be part of the Kizuna (Bond) Project happened in Japan last March 11 to 20. I, as a simple scholar of the University of the Philippines Los Baños, have never expected this awesome, dream come true experience.

Los Baños is my hometown. Living my 19 years here is much of an experience that somehow, made me have this little dream that is to be sent far away to experience more new things. So having been told about the Kizuna (Bond) Project, I applied.

Kizuna (Bond) Project is a program that aims to invite youths to Japan from other countries, in the wake of the Great East Japan Earthquake that occurred on March 11, 2011, to show them the efforts underway at disaster-affected area that are vigorously making recovery initiatives, and to promote understanding on reconstruction in Japan. The program includes interaction with youth in disaster-affected area, participation in recovery support activities, and other projects. The youths are expected to relay the current status of Japan’s reconstruction to the people of their countries through report presentations and other means of communicating their experience in the disaster-affected area after returning to their home countries.

                The Kizuna (Bond) Project contains three different batches. I became part of the second batch. The batch contains 75 students and 6 supervisors from different regions in the Philippines. The program has been facilitated well as it grouped the students and supervisors into three. All in all, there were seven UPLB students in Batch 2 that became part of the program.

               There were lectures being conducted for us to understand more of the things happened in Japan during the March 11, 2011 earthquake disaster. As the program started, the second batch delegates have been assigned to visit Iwate Prefecture. Iwate Prefecture, located in Tohoku region and is the second largest sub-national jurisdiction in Japan in terms of area, has suffered too much from the disaster. I have seen some of the beautiful places of Iwate Prefecture, the simplicity of the town and its people and I cannot contain my feelings how the tsunami washed it all out. It is really heartbreaking to see the clear area where houses and building were built before.

                Some may say that Japan has been fully recovered after the disaster but it is all wrong. Whenever they discuss what happened in March 11 incident, I can see through their eyes that they are still not that fine, the Sanriku Railway experience showed it all.

The Sanriku Railway Company is a small railway company founded in April 1, 1984 as a third-sector railway line, taking over the former Japanese National Railways lines. The company, familiarly known as “Santetsu,” operates the Kita-Riasu Line (71.0 km) and the Minami Riasu Line (36.6 km), which run along the Sanriku coast of Iwate, and has 71 employees.

                Immediately after the massive quake of the March 11, 2011, lights went out at all Santetsu stations and communication systems, and all were disconnected. The tracks and stations were washed away by the tsunami, bridges were damaged, tracks were buried in rubble, and trains submerged that made it unable to move. Fortunately, no one got hurt. As pictures of the before and after scenario of the place were shown to us, it breaks my heart that I can see that the place has been really changed, a huge change happened.

               

                The good thing is that, the company did not stop their operation. Restoration work is being carried out under the full cooperation of the Japan Railway Construction, Transport and Technology Agency, in an effort to resume operations of the Minami-Riasu Line between Sakari Station and Yoshihama Station in April 2013 and full operation in April 2016. Another good thing is they have this program called “Train ride to learn about earthquake disaster” wherein you will be toured and lectured on the affected area while riding the train. The program aims at having passengers learn about earthquake disaster and disaster prevention while riding on trains along the partially recovered line. Passengers will learn also about the violence of nature, value of life and importance of connecting with others as well as enjoying the scenic spots along the Santetsu line where trains will slow down or stop. Honestly speaking, I almost cry after we were asked to pray for the lives of the victims. The train stopped in front of the ocean and silence ate the whole place. I realized how blessed our country is even though it is not yet developed as Japan is.

My 10-day stay in Japan is so short. However, the knowledge and values it taught me makes me re-evaluate the things in my own country. The program really did it well. Aside from this Sanriku train experience, there are some more. Japan welcomed us wholeheartedly with their culture. I cannot forget the onsen experience (the spring experience wherein everyone has to take off their clothes and have a relaxing time in the spring), the mamebu cooking (food culture), the amber pendant making experience (amber making is one of the job in the place), the forest board painting experience (we painted messages on the wood boards that are to be placed on the railways in the forest so that those people who are on wheelchairs, when the railways are already completed, will be able to enjoy climbing the mountain path and enjoy nice views from the top of the hill), the Machinaka aquarium experience (we saw different sea creatures found only in Japan and learned from the company’s experiences after tsunami hit their real aquarium place where several fishes died), the Shinkansen (Bullet train) experience, our homestay with farmers, the cultural night, the Japanese foods, the snow and the blooming of some cherry blossoms, and the drills and workshops we have experienced.

                Aside from the experiences that Japan has given to me, there is this one more lesson that I will forever keep in mind and heart: “In every failure, there is always a brand new chance to look at.”

 You may lose something big but life must not end with that. You are still here, breathing, thinking, talking, or in short, living. You should not box yourself of what had happened in the past but look forward on the future that is about to come. Failures are just some parts of life that will strengthen you even more. It is better to let go of those unnecessary baggages you are carrying for a long time and start facing the reality that someone or something has gone and new things has yet to come. Japan taught me that there is really hope and faith in life. Maybe that is the reason why it is termed as the “Land of the Rising Sun”, for every rise of the sun brings new hopes and brand new chances.

There is still hope for my country. Our leaders may fail, disasters may come, and so forth but hope will always be enough. All we have to do is to choose or decide, believe and strive more. After all, God will not let His people starves. There is always a lesson to come out, we just have to figure it out. And that’s why I did, from a simple resident in LB, I chose to stepped out, believe in it and even striving hard to achieve my dreams. I may sometimes fail with my decisions but it does not mean it’s the end. There is always hope and a future. All I have to do is to keep holding on. As what someone told me, “If God deprived you of something good, He will give you something better. Let go and let God.”

Japan is not just an experience but a lesson that is to be learned by everyone. Arigattu Gozaimashita (Thank you). 

Several Amber display.

                

My first snow experience. How I wish Philippines also has.

The Shinkansen train (bullet train).

My foster family in Japan.

Hello sweety Pooh.

The Mamebu cooking lesson.

Hello freakin' fish.

The students from the University of the Philippines Los Baños who became part of the Kizuna (Bond) Project batch 2.

I and my groupmate Maxinn Balibado holding our painted board that is to be used in the railway making in the forest.

Our home sweet home in Hiraniwa.

My cute roomies.

Hello sweetest buddy (Janine Marte).

The Kizuna Batch 2 Group B.

My forever dream - Cherry blossom. Thank God, I finally met you.

Our Kuji city experience. This is actually the place where the tsunami washed everything in Iwate. The place was so cold!!

The ocean that washed everything last march 11, 2011.

All of a sudden.

          Maybe you have this thought already that life is so unfair sometimes. There are situations in it that you feel like saying, “what happened? What have I done? Why these things happened all of a sudden? Did I do something wrong? And what should I do now?”

               

The hardest part is when you are trying to move on but still, you cannot. There is still this small hope in your heart that everything will be alright, that something or someone will be back just to push what you have started. But when it seems like, you are the only one who is just holding, the question is, will you still keep holding on? These situations in life may come all of a sudden, but believing what my friends always say, it will pass by at its perfect time that you will learn to laugh once again.

I made this blog to let my emotions and thoughts be removed in my mind. Honestly speaking, I am not that okay with the things happening in my life right now. I feel down, helpless, weak and loveless. I know God has something for me, that’s a very clear fact in my mind, and of course in my life. However, there are some things that are really hard to handle. I don’t know what to do, my heart says ‘give up’ but my mind says ‘don’t give up for perfect love is defined in 1 cor. 13’. My convictions and pleasures are fighting and I don’t know what to choose between the two. I prayed and pray.

Let me share some of my story. These past few days, I have lost someone who is truly special in my life, someone I have prayed for and dreamed of, my best friend. Things may get rough in our lives – that’s the reality, but we have faced different problems together and through God’s grace, survived it all, fixed everything with good understanding, explanations, inspirations and mostly, through God’s word. I just don’t understand that all of a sudden, we did not. Maybe this friendship we had already levelled up and we were not that so prepared to handle that situation or maybe, just like what a friend of mine told me: “Hindi ka na nya kailangan sa buhay nya. Your part is already done and he already has his new bestfriend who will accompany, listen, speak, laugh and even eat with him”. Sad but maybe it’s true. I don’t know what to say. I just gave up and that’s the biggest mistake I have ever done.. Having this thought that this friend of mine would remain stronger, I became confident. However, what you expect do not always happen and so, you will become frustrated. And then, I just realized that I am not that in control of anything and I am just part of this game, this whole game that I have made in my mind for almost three years.

I don’t know how to explain these thoughts in my mind. I am bounded with words and I don’t know how to say those. I even don’t know who to follow, be with, and listen to… for the only one whom I trusted with so much (aside from God) has already gone. This friend of mine knows every single thing about me – my actions and stuff, and I just don’t understand why right now, it seems like this friend does not know me enough that he cannot even know how to win me back. I cannot blame this friend of what had happened. After all, as what another friend of mine told me, it’s all my mistake and I don’t even have the right to expect from him. I cried and even cry every time I would be reminded of everything and this sad ending. I did my best to understand things, and even gone with the flow though I already saw those “not so good things” in our friendship. Who am I to speak? After all, I am just a friend. This is all my fault.

My convictions are killing me every time, saying that true love does not spoil bad attitudes but correct those accordingly. I always ask God to take charge, to watch over and to control everything. I know, God has His reasons why He had let these things happened in my life. I don’t have the right to ask God for those reasons for He does not deserve my questions but only my trust. It’s just that, it is really hard. I swear. I really feel bad, I even don’t feel eating, going out, or any. I even got sick which made my parents got mad at me. Well, all I want that time is to stay inside my room, listen to some praise and worship songs, believe more of God, talk to Him, and even cry to Him. I don’t want to see the campus and the people around me. I don’t want noise but silence. It feels like the world will not understand my situation. They don’t know my story. The hardest part is that, this only person who knows almost everything about me left already. What hurts most is that, everytime I will check on him, it seems like he’s already doing well. He even went out with his friends and has some conversation about “chicks” (well, forgive me for the term but that’s exactly what I saw). I was also surprised after seeing a certain post in facebook that he’s already part of an organization in his school. I even saw some sweet tweets from his friends tagging him. Then, I just realized that I was the only one who opened my whole life. I know it is wrong to ask God why I am still boxed with what’s happening right now but I did and I feel bad about that. I asked Him why others are happy with their lives and why I am sad. Did I do something wrong? Did I already forget God? I know my mistake. I expected from someone who’s not faithful enough to his words. I acted like I was his someone though we’re actually not. I cared as if I am committed. I know my faults and it’s all clear to me. I want to regret everything but I can’t for those experiences are actually the happiest and best moments of my life. I may fail today but I know, sooner or later, I’ll be stronger enough to face the next step in life. Lessons always come after every hardships we faced.

Being a woman is really hard. Just like the others, my emotion is my weakness. Maybe because I love writing stories and so, everything has meaning for me, every single actions. I am not that kind of person who asks for big things just to be happy but someone who only wants attention, care and of course love from people who surround me. Funny part is that, when I feel the ‘real heartbreak’, I always come into a point of writing a book. So maybe now, a new book has yet to come (That’s the reason why I don’t write books often but only blogs and stuff.) Hehe. Well, through this experience, I learned and understood a lot. Let me share some:

• Never ever give your full attention or self to someone who does not even care and even bother to share his life to you.

• Commitment is really important for you to know your stand. Commitment before intimacy.

• Be a woman of God who is to be pursued.

• Don’t expect. Expect only to God who is able to do all things and is faithful enough with His words.

• Don’t assume.

• Guard your heart. GUARD.

• In every relationship, it is healthy to correct your love ones. Don’t let them do what is not right but what would glorify God.

• Always listen, think and speak. Never ignore each explanation, be open enough, and correct each one. Don’t go with other people but to the one who has the problem, after all he needs that correction. (Remember Daniel’s story in the bible)

• Don’t focus on someone but with everyone. Appreciate every single thing that God provides to you.

• Effort and sensitivity matter. Backbone is needed for you to stand and have your own decision.

• Whatever you do, if you have walls in your life, God will break that soon. (Remember Joshua’s story in the bible)

• As you wait, God is busy molding your character. He is preparing you for bigger experiences you are about to face in the future.

• Don’t give up but ask God for more strength.

• Never regret but feel blessed for a new testimony.

• Forgive, forget and move on.

• God will never leave you. He is forever faithful. If you asked: pray, believe and wait. Be expectant only to the Lord.

No one will ever take God’s love away. Not these trials, heartaches, acads, everything. He will never let go of us. He will give us new chances and even brand new life. God is always there, waiting and smiling at His prodigal son. I already asked forgiveness from God and even repented on the things I have done. I know, if we are really for each other, God will make a way. I will just offer everything to the Lord and focus on the things I have to do right now. All I pray is that, God will continually mold his life so that when his right one comes, he is good enough to handle everything. Though everything reminds me of him, I will just ignore those and move forward. Maybe it will take a long time to be fully recovered but through God’s grace, I will be. I’ll just focus on things that need me most and not to someone who don’t even want and care to see me. It feels good that I am on the right track again, stronger enough to face new challenges in life.

When all of a sudden, one big part of your life has been taken away, you will surely feel bad but always remember that it is not the end of life for God will surely replace it with new and better ones. He already gave His life, what more of your prayers. Storms may come but the question is, will you remain relax knowing you are with the powerful One? Absolutely.

Everyone, relax. After all, He is in control.

##

PS. Let me share this song. I played it more than 20 times during my bad times, my only prayer while facing that trial. Hehe (One Desire-Hillsong) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L7jfEEjU2k